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When You Are Not Getting What You Want in Relationships: Using The 'Law Of Allowing' To Attract The Best Aspects In Others

On this week’s blog, we share a guest post from transformational leader, celebrity coach, and New York Times bestselling author Christy Whitman! Enjoy :-)

No doubt you’re already familiar with the Law of Attraction, the universal principle which states that because like energies are drawn together, what we focus on, we naturally attract more of.

Understanding the Law of Attraction is a key component to creating fabulous relationships, as well as overhauling those that are not going so great, because once you know that the quality of the energy you’re sending out is the basis of everything that comes back to you, you can deliberately adjust the mood and tone of every interaction.

But the question arises:  Why, when there are so many people actively working with the Law of Attraction, do we sometimes find ourselves feeling dissatisfied in our important relationships?

This article reveals the missing ingredient that is crucial to understand in order to successfully apply the Law of Attraction.  In fact, without this understanding, you could be unwittingly creating the exact opposite of what you desire in your relationships without even realizing what you’re doing.  The missing factor that determines how easily and consistently you attract what you desire from others is the universal Law of Allowing.  Let’s start with a couple of simple definitions, taken from the Merriam-Webster dictionary:

To allow is to “give permission for something to happen or somebody to do something; to let somebody or something enter or be present in a place; or to let yourself or somebody else have something – often a benefit or pleasure of some kind.”

In our relationships with those we love and care about, most of us would like to think of ourselves as gracious and allowing, but actually, practice the polar opposite of allowing any time we’re faced with a behavior or character trait in another that isn’t exactly as we’d like it to be.  In other words, we resist the behavior we don’t like and may even attempt to apply control to get the other person to change.

Think for a moment about your typical knee-jerk reaction when someone you love says or does something that conflicts with something you value or deeply desire.  Do you allow them to feel the way they feel and give yourself permission to feel the way you feel?  Do overtly speak out against their position, hoping to change their minds?  Or do you silently stew over the behavior, wondering what you did to evoke it or how you could prevent it from happening again?

Resistance is the opposite of allowing.  It is a conditioned response; a pattern of thinking, feeling and behaving which can become so habitual that it sometimes feels like an automatic reflex.  This is because anytime another person says or does something that opposes something we desire or hold dear, we instinctively register this discord in our bodies as a feeling of constriction or loss of freedom.  And then, in an attempt to bring ourselves back into alignment, many of us make a grave error in perception:  We blame our discomfort on their behavior – and then focus all our energy on trying to change them in order to make ourselves feel better.

Although we may not realize it, any time we take a stand against what is happening at the moment, we actually become energetic proponents of the very conditions we want to change.  Remember, what we focus on expands.  Anytime we are in resistance – whether it’s justifiable or not – we are literally repelling the manifestation of our desires. Instead of using the powerful Law of Attraction to our benefit, we are using it against ourselves by magnetizing more of what we don’t want than what we do.  And this is where an understanding of the Law of Allowing can be a game-changer in your ability to deliberately create.

Here are 3 powerful steps for utilizing the Law of Allowing to attract more of what you desire in your personal relationships:

1. Do your best not to complain about this person.  Doing so will only give you more things to complain about because focusing on another person’s flaws only accentuates those flaws in your awareness.  If your interactions with this person begin to feel strained, heated or critical, allow yourself to temporarily withdraw your attention from the relationship and to focus the powerful stream of your awareness on things that feel better to you.

2. Rather than dwelling on your relationship as it exists right now, visualize it and mentally picture the way you want it to be.  Use both your memory and your imagination to create a mind movie that empowers and inspires you.  Remember what drew you to this person in the first place.  Did you feel a sense of homecoming?  Or that something much bigger than the two of you was at work behind the scenes?  Did he or she inspire you to want to become the best version of yourself you can be?   Bathe yourself in the energy of the possibility that this relationship holds.  As you play those memories over and over in your mind, they will become more active and attractive in your energy field.

3. Make a daily practice of focusing on this person’s positive aspects and to deliberately bring to mind the things you appreciate most about them.  Are you thankful for their support?  Do you enjoy their great sense of humor?   Do you love who they are to your children?  Focus on the very best attributes of this person prior to each interaction with them.  Look for what you want to find.  Love and appreciate as much as you can, knowing that the more love you send out, the more love will come back to you, and what you appreciate appreciates in value.

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Christy Whitman is a transformational leader, celebrity coach and the New York Times bestselling author of The Art of Having It All: A Woman’s Guide to Unlimited Abundance. Her new book, Quantum Success: 7 Essential Laws for a Thriving, Joyful & Prosperous Relationship With Work and Money is available now at any online bookstore.

Learn more about Christy here!

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