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Episode # 285   The Power of Body Language

About The Episode:

Today on The Inspiration Show Natalie Ledwell speaks with body language expert and author of 'What Your Body Says and How To Master The Message', Sharon Sayler. Sharon joins Natalie to discuss different tips and techniques from her latest book and also shares how to build safety and trust with others, without saying a word. Susan explains the importance of body language and what to do to feel completely comfortable and in control when speaking to anyone, anywhere, anytime. PLUS, she reveals the one skill you need, to make a positive difference in your job or marriage

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EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION

Episode # 285 The Power of Body Language

Natalie: Hi everyone! My name is Natalie Ledwell. This is the Inspiration Show. This is our live version of our new Inspiration Show which is our new format that we've been moving to, which is every Thursday at 10:00 AM, we now have a live show. Welcome to the show. Today my special guest is Sharon Saylor and Sharon is the author of the book, 'What Your Body Says, And How to Master the Message'. So today, we're going to be talking a lot about body language and how that, the connection between body language and our beliefs. So this is really an interesting subject as you know. As you know, if you're part of the Mind Movies Community, we've talked about limiting beliefs quite a bit. This is an interesting angle and a different take on the whole subject. So, welcome to the show Sharon. How are you?

Sharon: I'm great, Natalie. Thanks for inviting me. I'm really excited to be here today.

Natalie: So, what we might do is actually start with your story first. So, what' s your background story and how did you get in to this body language work?

Sharon: Well, it's kind of interesting, I guess I kind of fell in to it. I'm a huge believer of serendipity. And out of a tragic divorce, that was a pretty rough divorce on me, about 20 years ago, my friends know that to ditch Sharon spark up again, teach her something. So they actually took me to a NLP, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, as you know, a weekend, and there I was just mesmerized. I was fascinated and threw myself to learning NLP and through that process I met the foremost authority on body language, which is Michael Grinder, and that's actually, John Grinder's brother. So you see, his younger brother John Grinder was one of the developers of NLP. And I was absolutely fascinated by how he mesmerized the audience and it was through his body language, and he was telling us how to do it too. And during that time, the training, he came up to me during a break it's like 50 people in the room, I don't know if most people know but I'm actually pretty introverted and shy and one of those who sits at the back of the room taking notes just like 'don't notice' me. (chuckling) He came up, whispered in my ear, 'let's go for a walk.' I was mortified. I was like, 'oh my gosh, ok,' and I proceeded to the short 5, 10-minute walk to tell me like a psychic reading, all about me, that I was going through a rough time. I was in the arix (2:34), I was in graphic design and the marketing, it was a little spooky. And then, we sat, walked me to my seat, sat back down, leaned over, whispered in my ear, 'oh, and if you think with your mouth closed, you'll look more intelligent.'

Natalie: (laughing)

Sharon: I was hooked, dumbfounded. I didn't know what that meant at that time, but let me show that, it was like, when I think, when someone mesmerizes, when I'm fascinated, this is what I, I use to do 'cause I've trained so much (makes an open-mouth expression).

Natalie: (lauging)

Sharon: You know, I, I agree not very intelligent-looking, right? (chuckling) Long story short, I immediately started doing graphic design and marketing work for him that led to a long tour mentorship and I've (3:21) several books with him, added other books and then, five years ago, branched-out on my own with, 'What Your Body Says and How to Master the Message'. How can people understand. Find out (3:33) just those looks of our face and what it means to other people. And also, how our body language affects our own internal beliefs about ourselves.

Natalie: I know that's such an interesting connection. And I can't wait to dive in to that. Hey guys, if you're watching the show here now, live, I want to invite you if you have any questions as we go along, please type them in the chat box below. And we will do our best to answer them as we hear them on the interview. So, okay, so let's start from the beginning, 'how does (filler) body language connect to our beliefs? What's that connection there?'

Sharon: It's fascinating to me, cause I view our beliefs and our actions, thoughts and emotions as a wheel. So, I'd like to put our thoughts at the hub of the wheel. It makes all our emotions, our thoughts and our actions, are all connected around this wheel. So, whenever we learn anything, let's say our thought, we learn something, it changes how we feel and sometimes, most of the time it changes our behaviour or causes an action or behaviour. If we change our emotions, our feelings about something, our thoughts, our actions, our behaviour's change. And for me, I'd like to work on the behavioural level. When we change our behaviour, our thoughts and our emotions change, all around this hub of belief part of the wheel. And to me, it's been fascinating how quickly you can change somebody's belief about themselves, once they understand the non-verbal messages they're sending. If I could share a little story about someone I met on the road not too long ago. She came up to me after speaking, and she said, 'Sharon, why does everybody think I am always judging and criticizing them.' And really quickly, I could tell she was a sincere, lovely person. (chuckling) 'Let's chat', and we chatted, a few moments of question, some questions, I realized that she is high systems process person. So, step-by-step how to is very important how she organizes her memory. This is what she'd do, I'm gonna take off my glasses so that people can see, when you are to ask her (mumbling) of how-to question, she'd make this face (squinting) or even more intense than that, with the eyebrows in and eye-squint. Now, you and I, if we saw that face after asking somebody a question, we might honestly think, 'wow, what was wrong with my question?' (chuckling)

Natalie: (chuckling)

Sharon: we'd make it really personal, right?

Natalie: Yes.

Sharon: (chuckling) But, what she was doing was doing a how-to list, step-by-step list in her mind. And her boss was always saying, 'stop judging my idea, stop being critical.' And she couldn't figure it out, because she was like, I'm not being critical, I'm just trying to figure how to make this work for you. She immediately went to her boss and told her what she was doing and what I suggested that she'd do instead to stay external because she was going internal with that squinting, and take a notebook and take notes, just write the steps out, so she could stay external. And she told her boss, 'Look, I'm not making this face to judge you. I'm making to be effective and efficient.' Completely changed the belief that the boss had about her. Completely relaxed her that she was not being judgemental and critical. She kept sort of beating herself up, like, 'I don't think I'm being judgemental but may be I am.' The greatest part, she went home and told her husband of 17 years that story, 'Sharon says this is the face that I do when I try to figure things out,' they laughed, he said, 'Oh my god,' I was, she thought I've saved her marriage, even though that wasn't the intent.

Natalie: (chuckling)

Sharon: 'Oh my gosh, that's the face you make every time I suggest a face for a vacation or something else or some other great idea that I thought I had.' So, it's fascinating to me how little tiny things we do can change the whole world.

Natalie: Yeah. I know, that's an excellent example. So let's just say that someone is evaluating where they are in life and may be they have a belief in an area that could be holding them back, what kind of things can they do with their body language to release that or at least to channel their beliefs in that area?

Sharon: Ah, that's a great question. And it's going to sound so close to my answer but I just want to suggest, try it. That is, understand your breathing. Often times, especially our society here in the States, and Canada and actually, Northern Europe, tend to breathe too high and rapid and keep our fight or flight mechanism always activated. And what happens is, that could keep our beliefs, our thoughts and our emotions in a very strange place. So check your breathing first, and often times I say to people, well they check their breathing and what they do is they actually breathe backwards, and they'll do this (backward action) and they'll inhale but it's just actually, their shoulders raise and their belly comes in (chuckling). Really on an inhale, your ribs should expand and your belly should expand, I call it 'Yeah, there you go.' Three-dimensional breathing. (pause) It's amazing how that could change everything in a moment. If you are stressed, your boss just criticized you, your kids are ' you know, who knows, taking what I call a three-dimensional breath, it's like resetting the whole clock. And I know we don't think of our breathing as non-verbal or body language, but to me it is the critical core of body language. That's where people get the first impression of you as you walk in, if you're nervous or anxious, breathing high and rapid sets off their fight or flight mechanism. It's contagious. As well, as it changes your voice pattern. I'll try to breath really high and rapid, and exaggerate a little bit here, but what happens to your voice when you breath really high and rapid, the first thing is you talk really fast without pausing and then the other thing is your voice gets kind of anxious and squeaky. Well (releases a big breath) (chuckling) I'm sure that the metabolism of the audience just got escalated beyond our belief.

Natalie: (laughing)

Sharon: And if you find that breathing is just not working for you at the moment, if you can, I suggest giggling is really good. You and I just giggled a little bit, it actually forces us to breathe again.

Natalie: I love that. So, what are the common things that you see people do with their body language that others restricts them or holds them back?

Sharon: Oh, I think the biggest thing is, oddly enough is taking things personal. They might hear a comment or may be the comment is not about them, but they'll flash back to something a teacher said, a parent said and they begin to sort of close in. May be the chin will drop or the shoulders will drop, they begin to close in and make themselves small. Well, externally, people will begin to pick up on that and wonder about you as for that, but internally, it also closes you down. You are not able to react as quickly. Everything is tight and close. I suggest breathing through it if there's a comment or something, not taking it personal. (Fillers) Ninety-nine percent of the time, people would say things that are really about them. It's a reflection of them and it's not personal. And so, stepping back and saying, 'Hmmm, let's give them the benefit of the doubt here.' Breathe through it, stay present and one fun thing I'd like to do besides breathing to reset the clock if you find that you've sort of close in is do a quick shoulder roll. I'm going to exaggerate 'cause, actually, the bigger you can do it the better but if you do it in public it looks a little odd (laughs).

Natalie: (laughs)

Sharon: But you roll your shoulders up and stretch your back, (lets out a big AH) then you just open your whole chest up to allow more oxygen to come in and clear out all that carbon dioxide. Just love the feeling of rolling your shoulders, it's just like resetting your shoulder blades. Now, if you're in public and you cannot really do that wonderful stretch, even if a quick little, quick little stretch like that. And how I first discover that was watching athletes as they were prepping. This was a rapacon (12:03) match I was watching, and each time this road champion athletes before they would get ready to do (fillers) a new set, they would do this (makes a shoulder gesture), and I'm like, 'what is that about?' So the more I walk around, the sort of practicing and I'm like, 'Wow, that really resets a lot of internal energy.' Fantastic.

Natalie: I know, we were talking before the show about some'walking in to a room, instead of making that impression, what are some (fillers) body postures that people could adopt to really help them, (fillers) stepping in to a more confident versions of themselves?

Sharon: Oh, first up, I love the word step in. (laughs)

Natalie: (laughs)

Sharon: (fillers) I kind of went to a rant a few months ago about this idea of leaning. You know, step in or step out, don't lean in. That's kind of a mushy word, you know. (laughs) And I absolutely stepped in to the room, confident, you are who you are, you know what you know, and people say, 'well, you know, I'm not an expert.' I often find that the people who say they're not an expert are far more an expert than whatever it is they are than those that say they are. (laughing) It's funny to me that experts are always searching, learning, wanting to know more about what they are passionate about, and I say, step in. Sometimes there are people who say, act as if, and you'll know with your work of the unconscious mind, the problem with act as if is, our unconscious mind goes, 'oh, we're just acting. Okay, we're just acting.' (fillers) Step in to it. I meant it, introverted'I have a very dear friend who gives a whole new meaning to extroverted, and what I do when I want to show up really big in to a situation is adopt those behaviours I've seen in, of the extrovert that I really like and I know that I could do.

Natalie: Yeah.

Sharon: I don't have to do all of them, but just the ones I really like and I know I can do. And I just step in to that behaviour and when you walk in to the room, people will just, all eyes will turn when you are confident, breathing comfortably, and oh, by the way, if you're short, sometimes I notice that, be careful, keep your chin parallel to the ground. Actually, if you're extremely tall too. What happens if you're short, is often times, we will do this (looks up) to look up to someone, right? May be we are a short female talking to a tall male, what happens is it changes the quality of our voice. And men, especially with women's voice when we change the length of the vocal cords begin to think that we're angry. And or we're having an anxiety attack 'cause it begins to get a bit different tone to it and it's just because I can't breathe.

Natalie: Um

Sharon: So keep your chin parallel to the ground, if they're extremely tall ask if they can seat next to you. Isn't that fabulous to have someone ask you to seat next to you.

Natalie: Yeah. And this goes for tall people and short people as well. (fillers) I have a friend who's six foot five and I have no idea how much your height can actually affect, you know, your conversations, he often stands with his legs apart, so that he's a little bit shorter (laughing) '

Sharon: (laughing)

Natalie: 'on a level with everybody else'

Sharon: Actually, what happens when you're tall is you drop your chin when you talk and people start thinking that you're shy.

Natalie: Yeah.

Sharon: And it also changes the quality of your voice.

Natalie: I know. We've, we've honestly just barely scratch the surface today. When Sharon and I, we want to thank you so much for joining especially with this live version of this show. And I know that you have some gifts that you want to give to our viewers. So, can you tell us a little about the goodies that you've got for us today.

Sharon: Oh absolutely, thank you. If you go to sharonsayler.com and my last name is spelled as s a y l e r, I think it is listed down there in the little third there as they call it. And on the homepage is a wonderful free report called, 'The Three Biggest Body Language Mistakes and How to Avoid Them.' So there is also some tips or tricks on that as well as (16:05) twenty-four short clip, video clips, showing me, ah showing clips just like today. As well as, I've got a great author for, it's 'What Your Body Says, and How to Master the Message,' the message is the book, as well as, my very first book, I still adore to this day, it's called, 'Life's Short, Live Passionately.' And it's great tips and tricks on how to really step in to life. So if you go to sharonsayler.com/belief and you can pick those both up for ten dollars. Both books for ten dollars and I'm happy to ship them to anybody. And oh, if you want them autographed, just drop me a quick email and I'll be happy to send you an autograph on the books as well. Thank you, Natalie, it's been fabulous.

Natalie: Thank you, Sharon. Thank you so much for joining me. Now guys, I encourage you to share this video. You can share the recording of this video by clicking the Facebook and the Twitter share buttons on the page. Also, make sure that you download the app, if you haven't done so already because the recordings of these live shows are also available on the app. So you don't have to be in front of your computer anymore to watch the show, you can actually watch them on the go. And also make sure that you put in your email on the box on this page, so you could get my Manifesting with the Masters A course. Mind Masters like Bob Proctor, Joe Vitale, and John Assaraf, it's actually valued at eighty-seven dollars and I would love to send it to you for free. So guys, thank you so much, again, for joining us today and until next time, remember Live Large, Choose Courageously, and Love without Limits. Talk to you soon.

The Power of Body Language

 

 

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