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Natalie : today on the show I'm speaking with the amazing Stacey Canfield which just finished writing a book and had her website called Soul Sitters. So if you have someone in your life that's facing a loss, please watch this video ?coz this got some valuable information for you. Stay tuned.
Hi I'm Natalie Ledwell and this is the Inspiration Show. And today I'm here with the lovely Stacey Canfield, Hi Stacey.
Stacey : Hi Natalie.
Natalie : Great to have you here.
Stacey : Thank you for having me.
Natalie : Now the reason I have you on the show is that you've written a very useful and amazing book which we'll talk about a little bit later. But before we get into that, tell us a little bit about your story.
Stacey : Yes, well it's funny, I was present for the passing of some of my family close members, in fact 4 very specific family members that I was with or matters to me in some capacity, I have 2 grandmothers, a godmother, and a mother-in-law. And I was with them of when they died, I mean I was with them which when they took their last breath. And I was caretaker; I was also a soul sitter, so I was with them to help them spiritually and emotionally transition from this life. So I get a lot of people who ask me ?Oh my gosh, Stacey how can you just be on that space??, because it's not a fun space that anybody wants to jump into, so they say ?you just make it look so easy, how do you do it??, so I was able to put together some tools to help people you know create a safe environment for them to walk in and be present with someone who's passing. So in my book I do outline some of those tools for them.
Natalie : Is this a thing, I mean actually witnessed my auntie passing about a year ago, and she had breast cancer and it was a long process, it's very uncomfortable in that situation you don't even know what to do, what are some of the things that you cover in your book that make that process more easier for people?
Stacey : Yeah. The best advice I can give to people who were just about to walk in to that space, maybe it's someone that they love like an aunt haven't seen in a while and they walk in this room and they realize ?Oh my gosh, that's not exactly the way they look the last time I saw them?.
Natalie : Absolutely, yes.
Stacey : It's a frightening experience, and you don't want to give your face give too much away. Right? You're protecting yourself your also protecting their heart as well. And really it's all about them and their final transition of from this life, so I've got this little pneumonic device called steps, and the steps help you create a motion space for being present to person who is passing. So the first step is S, S-T-E-P-S, and the first thing you do when you walk into that space is smile because it's the easiest most free gift that you can give to anybody when you walk in to that space. The second one is T that's for touch, and so what you can do is that the least place that hurts on a body is the forearm, so if you wanna find the safe place to touch somebody is you just touch the forearm or hold their hand or stroke their hair, whatever would be significant between the two of you. So T is for touch. E is for eye contact, and you look in their eyes and you acknowledge their humanity and you let them know that you know they're still important to you even though you know their body may be failing them, so it's really important to have that eye contact that's another great gift that you can give to somebody. P is for patience, if you can just be patient when you are in that space, take a deep breath, let them speak first if you can, and just be patient and realize it you just want like allow them the space and time to be whatever they want to be for the two of you. And the last S in the STEPS process is service, what can I do for you? How can I help you? ?coz really someone whose on their death bed, there's not much they want, you know that Ferrari they always wanted isn't that important anymore, right? They may want you to go get their dog and put on their lap, they may want you to you know water their rose garden, they may want you to help them write a letter. In the case of my godmother, Mary, who passed she had a very specific request of me when I used my essence service; she wanted me to burn 25 years of journals she kept. And it was a task that I took very seriously and to the shock and dismay of much of my family members who weren't too happy about it, I was able to fulfill her final wish, and that was the best thing and all it took was me asking her what do you want? What can I help you with? What can I take care for you after you're gone?
Natalie : You know and it's different for you, for people, now with my auntie she wanted me to bring her some fresh fruit you know the things all the time, but she insisted on paying me for them, I wanted to do this for her to make her you know to feel like I was doing something important but it's like I have to step like go it's not about me, she wants to still have that independence, one up to the last day, and she you know wanted to give $20 for some fruit and that's you know that's what I have to allow it to do.
Stacey : Right, and that's the best, you honored her so well on that moment.
Natalie : So what were the motivation behind writing the book?
Stacey : Motivation was I had these tools, and I have this wonderful support from this website that I started. I started a website that inspired me it' called soulsitters.com and I collect stories of people who have been present for the passing of their love ones, and the stories help inspire other people who may be going to the same thing. So by reading those stories you may realize ?Oh wow, I never really thought? that you know I can help my aunt burn her journals or whatever that might be but all these little and unsmooth are very unhumorous too. Okay what's good to sprinkle with a little bit of humor, you know provide some happiness for them obviously in these past moments. So the inspiration to write the book was to give some tools to people, I have the STEPS outlined in there as well, I also have a positive Greek method which helps you find a totem or a symbol for your loved one to help you go through of this process. And I just wanted to share kind of where I was coming from and how can you be the best soul sitter. Soul sitter's a little different than a caregiver, you know, caregivers we encourage them to be people that you can hire to help care of the daily medical needs of a loved one, a soul sitter just you know a soul friend in this time passing.
Natalie : Yeah. That is a complete different distinction. So who were the people who would benefit the most of your book?
Stacey : Anyone who's just found out that they had a family member or a friend who they love dearly who's just been diagnosed with a terminal illness. Soul sitters will be the best place for you at this time because there are so many resources on their and we are also launching a new section of our website called Now What?, Now what? My husband has been diagnosed with lymphoma, how do I find information in lymphoma? So it's got all information about that. So the resources are really important that people can have it their fingertips, so we're constantly updating the site trying to bring new resources that might be helpful to soul sitters or also big adequate of hospice and so we have lots of great articles, San Diego Hosp. in Pelion medicine has been invaluable to us and they have given us a lot of articles and health choose and resources on what to do and how to be helpful on this time. So you find that on the site as well.
Natalie : Awesome. I'm so glad that we had the opportunity to record this video today because you know as you're probably aware it's a subject that people don't want to approach, and it's not into you actually in the situation that you go ?oh my god, now what do I do?? And if you can be outside of the situation at first and then know what the steps are, then you're not so doubted while the task in front so thank you so much. So if people wanna find out more about the book, or about yourself, where can we send them?
Stacey :Yes, if they wanna go ahead and reach the book, there's a lot of ways to do that, you can go to our website which is www.soulsitters.com it's also available in Amazon and Barns and Novel that you can reach that as well and can no version if you would like to do that. We also have a free gift to our pre viewers, we have a free gift that called the passage plan that is an emotional and spiritual wish list for what you may want when it's your turn to pass, so it's really helpful for you to fill that out for yourself and then maybe pass that along to loved one and maybe inspire them to fill one out too.
Natalie : Yeah and we we're discussing this early about. Okay, so if I wanted to approach my you know parents with this, how would I do that? And I think by you know doing that first to yourself and then showing them and said I wanna entrust you with this, you can encourage them to do as well which was a bright inch that you've done for me before.
Stacey : Okay, now I've got that brilliant.
Natalie : Thanks Stacey so much for coming in
Stacey : Thank you.
Natalie : It's great having you here. Guys now if you click on the banner to the side there you will be able to go through Stacey's site to find out all about that. Make sure that you share this video and the information in it by clicking the Facebook and the Twitter share buttons above. And if you haven't done so already make sure that you put your e-mail on the box above there, I'd like to send you my Manifesting with the Masters video echoes, it includes masters like Bob Proctor, John Assaraf, Joe Vitale, Master Shymof, it's voided $87 and I'd like to give it to you for free, so make sure that you put your e-mail on the box above there. So until next time, remember to live large, choose courageously, and love without limits. We'll see you soon.