Episode # 327 Remy Chausse
Natalie: Hello, everyone! My name is Natalie Ledwell and this is the Inspiration Show. Today, our show is for people out there watching the show that are stuck somewhere in their life. I have an expert on how to get unstuck and she is the host of the get unstuck café. And I would like you to please help me introduce and bring to the show Remy Chausse. How are you Remy?
Remy: Hi. It’s so good to be here. Thank you for having me.
N: Absolute pleasure to have you here. I know you are an expert on getting unstuck. (laughs)
R: Always a personal experience. (laughs)
N: Don’t we all, oh my god. So, what we might do, first of all, is start with your background and your story. How you got into being such an expert on this?
R: Well the way I got into it was pretty painful. I was out on a walk one evening and the thought occurred to me, oh my god, I’m being abused by my minister and my church and P.S. the minister was my husband. And so, I was in this place of betrayal of every level. Everything I ever believed in got (1:09) from under me. Didn’t know who to confide in, who to talk to, who to turn to and spend most of my days on my hallway floor sobbing, into the carpet or screaming to the heavens, what was I supposed to do with that? And I tried to find somebody to help me get out of this place and couldn’t find anyone that had this particular expertise for what I was going through. And just again, in the research and the interviews and trying to figure this out, over time developed a pretty cool tools that got me unstuck and as I began to share them with other people, they were like, wow! (laughs) If I can get unstuck that would be so awesome. So I started doing this workshop and using some of the exercises, and so, I thought we might play with it today.
N: Excellent, excellent. Because that’s the thing, it doesn’t matter what you do or where you are in life, we have moments where we really do get stuck, and whether it’s our marriage, our career or anything like that. So, why don’t we start with something that people could apply today that’s going to help them get unstuck?
R: The first thing to do about getting stuck is don’t stay there. And that is our human tendency is to focus on what’s wrong, to try to solve the problem. And all that does is keep us stuck in it, as you know. So, with my best popular exercises, I call find the positive, and so what I want everyone to do and you can play along Natalie, is to think of a place where you might be feeling stuck right now and as you reflect on that challenge, I want you to think of one positive thing about that, just one, because if you can get one, you can get to 5 positive things, and if you can get to five, you can get to 10, if you get 10, you can get to twenty, and I promise you it will resolve before you ever get to twenty. Now, realize that some challenges are more challenging than others like the loss of a loved one, so the time frame may change but the principle is the same. So, as an example, let’s say that somebody is stuck in a relationship issue, I had someone who came to me who was then in a relationship but the guy didn’t know, like, I hate when that happens, and she had just mapped out her whole future with this guy and he wasn’t even in it. And that’s where she found herself stuck. And so I asked her to find just one positive thing and that was a challenge, which is why I said, you have to start with one and keep going, but the thing now she had clarity and her second positive was now I have time to spend with my girlfriends. And one that I put on the table for her was now you have the time and space to develop your values because you had one missing or a value that you ignored, because in the instance of a break up of any kind, it’s often not the thing that you think it is but a misalignment of values. Does that make sense?
N: It makes absolute sense.
N: Because that’s the thing, when we can build this whole scenario in our mind and like you said, the more we focus on and worry about what might happen or the situation that we think it is, it makes it expand and make it a whole lot bigger. Awesome practical information, and that can be applied or what area of life that you’re stuck in?
R: Yes. I had a guy come through one of my workshops who had been unemployed for four months. He lost his job making $300,000 a year and in order to save his house and his family, he had to take a new job at half the salary. And he was devastated, his ego was bruised, his wife was mad at him and all of that. But when we looked at it and I said let’s look for a positive, he said, well, every day for four months I did send my resume out and I did get the job but I also every day I had the time to spend with my family that otherwise I wouldn’t have had and they would have that time with me. So the idea is to get to one and to the five, ten, twenty and what will happen is you’ll either get a new perspective or sometimes you’ll finally ask the right question that leads you to the right answer. But you’ve got to start with one.
N: Absolutely. And really what you’re saying is like step outside of the situation for a moment and look at all the positive. The more that you do that, the more that that would expand.
R: Yes. And you get into this area where you begin to attract too that you want. You get more in touch with your vision and instead of getting into this downward spiral of oh my god, oh my god what do I do?
R: (overlaps with Natalie) A management of energy. And then the second exercise that we often lead into my workshops I call finding your soul self or finding your spiritual self. Now, for those who don’t want to go to woowoo on this, sometimes it’s finding the bigger me or the better me or the (5:45) or something like that. So whatever label works for you. But what I would want you to do on a piece of paper or on the slate of your imagination is to draw two stick figures, one on the left and one on the right. And then, you will draw a big circle on the one on the right and circle represents your soul. It’s bigger than you are. It encompasses everything that you are and the on the other way around, if it’s inside your physical body, it would be too much energy for your body, your body will just explode, right? So, it’s bigger than you are and we will call that your soul self or whatever label that you’re comfortable with. And then underneath the left figure, we will name that your ego self or some people say the big me, the little me, right? And what I would like to do is draw a dash line between the two, to represent tension like a rubber band because your ego or someone else’s ego can stretch your way or pull your way from your soul self. And that’s who you are and who are meant to be and what your purpose in life is. And so every life challenge will try to stretch your way or somebody else’s challenge will kind of pull you away and so every life challenge is asking you to align with your soul self, your purpose in life. So I like to put a label on this tension line and I call it responsibility. Because it would be irresponsible to allow yourself to be stretched away especially stretched so far away that that line could snap and you just lose yourself, who am I? What am I supposed to do? What happened to me? And all these questions, right? So this is what people usually ask me, well, what am I supposed to align with? What are the qualities of my soul self? So we could write down some words, here’s where I am so far (shows an illustration), right? So we could write down words over here (gestures towards the illustration) to describe the soul self. We could write down things like compassion, gratitude, inspiration, intuition, flexibility, wisdom, clarity and one of my favorite words is reverence. The reason I like this word because I used to think that I wanted people around me who trusted, admired and respected me, you know the raving fans. And then one day, I realized for somebody to trust, admire and respect me they would have to be judgment present based on who they think I should or shouldn’t be. I didn’t like that so much. But the idea of reverence is holding honor for someone or honor who you are or where you are on your journey and I expect you to hold the same honor for me. And this is how you can be sure that no one will every attempt to invalidate you or put you down or disrespect you or dishonor you when you hold reverence for yourself and you hold reverence for them. So Natalie, you could think probably of other qualities of the soul self.
N: Yeah, absolutely, well, love is a big one that comes to mind. Love, understanding, empathy, I know you said compassion and compassion is a really big one on that. But I love a fact that you draw attention to our spiritual self because that is a big part of who we are and for a lot of us, we look at ourselves and we go, well, you know, we think that we are our personality. We think we’re our programs and patents. We think that we are this job that we do. Or the fact that we are a mother, we have all these labels that we put on ourselves to describe who we are, but who we really are is that spiritual part of ourselves that is connected to God, that is connected to all that is. And when we can tap into that, it really gives us purpose and like you said intuition before. It gives us intuition and gives us a direction on where we should go and how we should be, what mission should we be on, in able for us to fulfill our purpose on the planet. Don’t you think?
R: Yup. Exactly right. And so, as we compare it to the ego self, to the other side where we probably could come up with words pretty easily on that side, we could probably use words like doubt, worries, anxiety, confusion, indecision and that’s a big one, and anger is probably the biggest one that will stretch us away from our soul self. Our anger or someone else’s, because anger does serve a purpose in life and that is to create distance. It distances us from ourself, from others, things that we want, our vision. Even distances us from prosperity. So, anger is a pretty powerful emotion and it can help stretch us away or try to stretch us away from who we really are. And so you could probably think of some qualities of the ego self as well.
N: (laughs) (overlaps with guest) superior, yeah, there are many that I could, I can’t think right now but (laughs) …
R: (overlaps with Natalie) somebody complaining instead of what’s right.
N: And beating yourself up.
R: Yes. Oh yeah. That’s huge. And so, when we’re stuck what’s happening is it’s never the situation that we’re in, it’s actually our energy that has become stuck on the left side of the page. Let me say that again, it’s never the relationship, the job, the job transition, the career, the organization, the finances, it’s never the situation but your energy that’s become stuck about the situation. And so on both of these exercises, what I’m attempting to do on paper is a very practical way, is to move you to right side of the page. Because when you are finding the positive side, it’s really hard to be in the ego side. When you’re finding the positive your brain switches over back towards your vision that you want to create, the way you want things to be. And just like when you’re looking at the qualities of your soul self, in order to solve a situation, you’re in the (11:32) self, you’re not in the ego self being angry about it. Right? And what we do in our workshop as a third piece of this is take another piece of paper and draw two columns. On the left hand column, we just write down in bullet point of what our situation is – I feel stuck financially – and on the right column, we begin to write our greatest strengths, that might be optimism, enthusiasm, creativity, great listener, whatever it is, and even though strengths as we begin to write them down to help solve the challenges on the left side of the page and that being qualities of our soul self. So you can look at this from a soul, spiritual perspective or you can also look at this from a perspective of being a business owner, or a CEO or the CEO of your family or whatever might fit for you at your particular situation.
N: Yeah. I know, I also advocated even before we sit down and think about getting ourselves a certain situation or setting a goal or an intention that we really need to be in the right, I call it my happy place or being in the right state before we do that. So, is there an easy way for people to step in to those positive emotions?
R: Well, what I typically do in my workshops is we cut the page in half and use just the stick figure on the right, all of these qualities that we’ve brainstormed because quite frankly Natalie, we go up to a hundred strengths in the workshops that we have quite a bit to choose from. And we end up creating this little bookmarks and some people bling them up with glitter, a lot of people laminate them and the idea is you keep this bookmark in whatever book you’re reading, your day timer, your iPad, your checkbook, the console of your car, so that whenever a wave of emotions come over us, particularly after a break up, we get these waves of emotions that shows up from nowhere, right? Or we get a call from a bill collector that puts us into a state, we can easily pull up this bookmark that already has the strengths, that inner space that we could really think about and we can pull our very best strengths, now we can just pull out that bookmark as a quick reference. And it’s much easier than trying in the moment to dig deep and center with our heart especially if we are becoming angry. That’s really hard to do. So the bookmark is an easy nice reference.
N: It’s a great idea. Especially if you use it in something like a day timer or something like that, having that little reminder, I love the fact that you can bling it up. (laughs)
N: You’re making it fun. You’re making it like, this is not a chore. This is not something that we have to do but first you have to really step into a better version of ourselves and the better version of our life that we can create because we have control. It’s supposed to be a fun and a really enjoyable process.
R: Yeah. And let’s say we get some really bad news that we were hoping for a particular job and we got the phone call that we were passed over, we can make a quick look of our strengths and choose one, let’s say we choose optimism and we can think okay, how can we be optimistic about this? We’re pulling our own strength. There’s no one else but what’s already in our heart to help us solve the daily challenges. The idea is to know that when you find, when you feel like you’re stuck. You’re stuck on the left side of the page, it is not the situation, it’s not the bad phone call, it’s your energy and the learning to manage these energies. When you understand how energies behave in the universe, then it’s easier to handle our lives.
N: Yeah. And the thing is, the more that you do that, the more that it becomes natural behavior, and before long it’s got a conscious effort. It’s just your fall back on what you’re going through.
R: Yeah, yeah, because when you call up a friend for empathy, they don’t often know what your strengths are, they’re going to feel your own panic and they’re going to pull up their own thing about what you should do, oh don’t worry about it, and they might not tip on your strengths at all. So it’s really better if you’ve identified your own natural energies and just have them at your fingertips.
N: Absolutely. Remy it’s been amazing having you here on the show. We actually got to jam a lot of information in there which is fantastic. So, if people want to find out more about you and the work that you do, where can we send them?
R: We can send them to getunstuckexpertcafe.com and what you’ll find there is a free instant download called how to get unstuck and create a life you love.
N: Perfect. Absolutely fantastic. Thanks again for joining me Remy
R: Thank you.
N: Now guys, I encourage you to share this video and all information in it. You can do that by clicking on the Facebook and Twitter share button on this page. I also encourage you to download the app, if you haven’t done so already. Because you watch the shows on the go now, you don’t necessarily have to be in front of your computer. Make sure that you click on the banner to the side, you go straight to Remy’s site from there. And leave your email on the box on this page, so I can send you the manifesting with the masters video e-course. It’s actually valued at $87 and I would love to send it to you for free. So until next time, remember live large, choose courageously and love without limits. We’ll see you soon.