Episode # 321 Regina Cates
Natalie: Hello, Everyone! My name is Natalie Ledwell and this is the Inspiration Show. Today, we have a very special show because today we’re going to be talking about love and it may not be in the way that you think. So, can you please join me in welcoming my guest, Regina Cates. How are you Regina?
Regina: I’m wonderful Natalie. Thank you for having me.
N: It’s actually a pleasure having you here and I’m really interested into getting into today’s show. But before we do that why don’t we talk about your background or your story and how you got into doing this work?
R: Sure, be happy to share. Natalie, I grew up in the southern part of the united states in the fundamentals of the Christian church. From the time that I walked in about 3 years old, I knew that I was different. I was gay. I was born gay. And boy that set up a whole lot of stuff for my life and so I did not grow up knowing how to love myself. And I spent the next many, many years trying to really figure out what love means, to say I love you and so that’s what the book that I’ve written, lead with your heart, is all about. It’s the journey of how to love yourself. The actions that I take everyday that make sure that I’m loving myself, so that I can love others well.
N: Right. I thought that you might have had an accent there (laughs).
R: Like you, no have none (laughs).
N: (laughs) (mumbles) It is an interesting life story that you’ve had because I can imagine how hard it would be to have everything in your environment telling you one thing but inside you’re feeling something else. So how do you handle that or how do you cope with that?
R: Well, you know, not well at times, Natalie, and I think anyone of us whether we’re gay or whether we’re dealing with any other issues because Natalie we all have our own stuff and I think that anyone of us that’s dealing with challenges of being different, which by the way we’re all different and we need to embrace that difference that we have and we share because that’s something that we all have in common is that we’re all totally different. I think whenever we reach those points where were we’re I guess pushing against the boundaries of what society says we should be, then we’re going to suffer and I think our job is regardless of whatever we have experienced in life is to find ways where we come back to ourselves, to remain align with that part of us that says, hey Regina being gay is like biological, don’t worry about it. These people don’t know what they’re talking about. Love yourself. Learn to love yourself. So whatever issue that we’re dealing with, it’s all about coming back to that heart, that soul that we are.
N: Yeah. And was there a particular event that helped you realize that you needed to turn to love to be able to live a fulfilling life?
R: Oh Natalie, there’s been so many, I don’t think we have time to talk about all of them but here’s what I will share because I believe, for me, and I don’t think I’m unique. I believe everyone on the planet is born with certain understanding. I think it’s more of a clear connection to our souls. Even as a young child of 3 or 4 when I was encountering these weird thoughts, I’m horribly different from everybody else, there was something inside that said, Regina, it’s okay. It’s really okay. So my life journey and I think each of us, our journey is to remain connected to that part of ourselves. So, I really was sort of an abstinent child and I think a lot of us really need to be, yes, I know. No, you’re not going to put this box on me. And I think what we need to do now for our children and those generations that come is to give them permission to be themselves. So that means that we need to learn how to accept other people for who they are and just guide them in developing the values that will allow them to lead with their heart and that’s basically leading with love, Natalie.
N: Yeah. I mean that’s the thing, who are we to judge anybody and people are people and how boring a place, the world be if we were all the same. So what does it mean to lead with love? How do you live, leading with love?
R: Well, I think the first thing Natalie is each of us has to come to the understanding of what love is and I spent a long time thinking about it and I documented it in the book because it’s actually, lead with your heart, this book that I’ve written, it took 10 years and it was very specific and very careful because I really wanted to document the steps that I think that we take every day to love ourselves so that we can love others. What I’ve come to find out is that love is affection. Love is caring but how do we express that? How do I know I love you? How do you know you love me? Seriously, we don’t think these kinds of things. We become attracted to someone and all of a sudden there you have it and we don’t get to know them well enough and then we’re in a relationship but then we start getting nasty and all of these things that we see around us. So what I have come to understand is that love is expressed and received through positive behavior. I’m accepting. I’m understanding. I’m patient with you (laughs). I’m caring. I’m supportive. I listen as I want to be heard. All of these actions that we take, they actually give meaning to I love you.
N: Yeah, exactly. And it’s interesting what you’re saying is it’s not just lip service. It’s not just saying it but actually showing it through our actions. And you’re not talking about showing this with your significant other, you’re talking about showing this with other people as well, right?
R: Oh absolutely, everybody, because I’ll tell you what Natalie, when we’re happiest is when we’re being loved. And by that people say, what in the world does that actually mean? What does it mean to be loved? It means to be patient. It means to be kind. It means to be compassionate, empathetic. All of these wonderful values of our heart or our soul, that’s what it means. So yeah, we’re patient with the checker at Walmart who’s learning for the first time how to be a checker. We’re patient with the person who’s at Peace Coffee, here in LA that’s learning to make the coffee for the first, second or third time. And here is the key, Natalie, the exciting part is that we have to be patient, loving, understanding with ourselves first before we can actually give that to someone else. Therefore, it is not selfish to love yourself first. It is responsible because until I became patient and accepting and forgiving, and all the other behaviors of love with me, I could pretend but I wasn’t really giving it to you.
N: Exactly and the thing is when you don’t love yourself, that is the energy that you are emitting. So you are making it difficult for anyone else to be able to reflect back the love that you want because what you are emanating out is such a mismatch to what it is that you want to have back. Right?
R: Perfect. Absolutely very well explained, yeah. And that’s again, I’m going to bring it back to the book, lead with your heart, because that’s the reason I devoted so much of my time to it. It’s the handbook that I didn’t have. I sat down and said, listen, if I had a handbook that I would want to share with the young people, the old people, anybody of how you love yourself, what are the steps that you do because every day I’m in contact with people all over the world, how do you love yourself? How do I do that? I love everybody else, well you really don’t because you don’t know what love is.
N: Yeah, they’re very important. I know a couple of times you referred to connecting to our soul, I did a recent interview with Panache Desai, how I was, I’m calling this since I’ve separated from my husband, I’m calling this Nat 2.0, (overlaps with guest). No, you’re actually going back and remembering yourself, reconnecting to spirit. So, what is a way our listeners can have that connection or create that connection?
R: Well, that, you know what Natalie, I’m going to break it down and going to make it easy and it might not be exactly what people suspect because some people expect it’s something weird we experience, I want to tell you something, another reason I spent so much time creating this business and writing this book and helping people is because it looks a lot simpler than we think. And that is that, we behave in certain ways that are loving and we know we’re spiritual beings on a great human adventure. Whenever we are grateful, truly grateful, boy our soul fills with something that is just indescribable. There is a joy there that we cannot receive through any other way. When we’re kind, when we’re compassionate, so if you want to know what it looks like to actually be a spiritual being on a great human adventure, then it is connecting with your behavior and the legacy that you live with the world. That’s pretty much as sexy as it gets, you know, but it’s so gratifying.
N: Okay, absolutely. So tell me some stories or some success stories of people that you’ve worked with or that have read your book and had been able to contact you through that.
R: Oh my goodness, well I’ve been a presence on Facebook for many years now. We’ve got quite enough number of folks that join us there from all over the world and I think that one of the most important things is that every day we are able to exchange ideas and how to lead with your heart and how to do these sort of things, from that came a very large practice of working with people in workshops and one on one, and I’m going to tell you what happens Natalie, I think is that when we share our story with others, we’re totally honest, we’re just transparent, then they’re able to take that information and no longer feel that they are isolated. No longer feel that they’re totally alone in this experience and from that alone they are able to say, hey, if she can do it, I can too. Now, privately I work with people that have experienced unbelievable kinds of abuse and they have now forgiven their abusers and are now living lives of great love and compassion. It’s inspirational to see, Natalie. Unbelievable. The spirit that we have in us to heal.
N: Yeah. Exactly. I agree, which is part of the reason why the Inspiration show exists.
R: Yes, yes.
N: (overlaps with guest) gurus and all sorts like yourself but you know, regular people that have had experiences that is so inspiring that you have to share this story with the world. And especially after me going through my separation from my husband, it was like, we need to talk about this stuff because I have found out that there are a lot of women that, we were going through exactly the same challenges that I was going through at that time but I didn’t really felt like I had anyone to share with. So creating a forum, an ability for us to share our experiences doesn’t just help us but it helps to bring our souls together. So where can we send people if they want to find out about your book? If they want to find out what you, if they want to work with you?
R: Sure. Well the official website is romancingyoursoul.com and on Facebook come over and join us it is romancing your soul and the book is available, leading with your heart, creating a life of love, compassion and purpose is available in Canada. It’s available in the united kingdom and on amazon.com and in every bookstore in the united states. So just walk in and grab yourself a copy.
N: Excellent. So how long have you been doing this book, Regina?
R: Oh my goodness, Natalie, officially about 11 years but all of my life there’s something that has just been given and I’m very grateful to be able to I guess share my heart that other people relate to it. Yeah, so, I’m blessed.
N: Well, we’re blessed to have you on the show, so thank you so much for joining me Regina, it’s been an absolute pleasure.
R: Oh it’s been an honor for me, Natalie. Thank you so much.
N: Awesome. Now guys I encourage you to share this video, the information in it, you can do that by clicking the Facebook and the Twitter share buttons on this page. Make sure that you click on the banner on the side so you can go straight to Regina’s site. And make sure that you grab that book of hers, so that you can start to live a life where you’re leading with love. Make sure that you download the app if you haven’t done so already, so that you can watch the shows on the go and leave your email on the box in the page here, so I can send you the manifesting with the masters video e-course. It is actually valued at $87 and I would love to send it to you for free. So until next time, remember live large, choose courageously and love without limits. We’ll see you soon.