Natalie interviews personal development gurus and inspiring people from all over the globe on her super popular online show!

Episode # 91   Cracking The Man Code

About The Episode:

Natalie Ledwell has a fun and informative conversation with relationship expert Mat Bogs. Mat, who has a background in biology, shares the science behind finding the perfect partner and explains some of the biological differences between men and women that affect how they behave in relationships. Mat is so genuine and his powerful strategies to using these differences to your advantage will allow you to improve your current and future relationships.

Click here to read the transcription

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Episode # 91 Cracking The Man Code

Natalie: Today on the show, Matt Boggs cracks the man code and reveals to us some valuable information for the ladies who are looking for the "Mr. Right." So, stay tuned.

Natalie: Hi I'm Natalie Ledwell and this is the Inspiration Show. And today I have a special guest back with me again, you may see Mr. Matt Boggs, how are you Matt?

Matt: Hello, hello good to be back.

Natalie: Now the reason I've got Matt back here is because he has an amazing product called Cracking The Man Code. Now this is fantastic for all of you ladies out there who are looking for your partner. You may have dated quite a bit, and you just, you know you can't find that guy. Matt, you've gone through and through some of your background being able to scientifically explain to us how men work.

Matt: Absolutely. Yes.

Natalie: So can you explain a little bit about the program and the background behind it?

Matt: Sure! Cracking the Man Code really came out of... I was speaking all around the country on What Makes Love Last, and love principles and so many women came to me and said; Look, I have my business in order, I'm in 30s, 40s, or I'm 50s and everything in my life is set, except, I cannot find my man! Where is he? He's behind the schedule! This should've happened by now. And it was so funny because, usually these types of women have something in common and I was thinking to myself; you know, I know where your man is, and he is running in the opposite direction from you. There's something very simple about how men are wired-up and ultimately it comes down to understanding and increasing our awareness because many women are completely different from one another... from how we build attraction, to how we fell in love, to how we want to go through the dating process and my background is Biology. I have a pre-made background, and so I spent the last few years researching, how men are wired-up and how we wanna fall in love, and also interviewing men and putting in as I began to go through this journey in research, I synthesize and I had the blessing of also being able to study with some of the best relationship therapist on the planet and all of these patterns kept popping up and I was like, oh my gosh this is so incredible, so fascinating! So that's what I put together as far as cracking the man code and helping women really connect, build attraction, and deepen that connection with men.

Natalie: Right. So what do you think is the number one reason why men and women are not getting together?

Matt: Perspective.

Natalie: Right.

Matt: Because, men are seeing life through a man's brain, we don't actually see with our eyes, we see through our eyes. And it's all wired-up in our brain. So we are seeing life through a man's brain and you're seeing life through a woman's brain and the only time that men and women are the same, there is a time when we are the same... the only time we are the same, answers the question, why do men have nipples? Why do men have nipples? Completely useless! The reason that I have nipples is because from conception, when the sperm meets the egg, to 8 weeks of gestation, just in that period of time, all human being start developing as women. And in 8 weeks of gestation, if you're a man, you got a giant shoot of testosterone sending you in the left field, and then from then on out the game have changed. And so we could go into a little bit deeper about how this is wired-up, but I want to make sure that you get to ask questions that are needed here.

Natalie: Because here's the thing, men and women do think differently, we absolutely think differently. Like I know when I'm with my husband, we've been married for 15 years, we have an amazing marriage, but sometimes I really have to stop and think, well you know what, when you say I know that you don't mean to upset me but when you say that you know, it's like you're not thinking, so how does that work? Like, why do men think so differently?

Matt: So check this out, we also have got triggered by different hormones in our body, so men's in there... I'm gonna give you the basics, I'm gonna give you sort of generalities it's like saying men are like ice cream, we all melt at the same temperature, we all freeze at the same temperature, but there are all different kinds of flavors. You may have dated some rocky road, some vanilla ice cream, there all sorts of different kinds of flavors. So, there are always gonna be exemptions to these rules, just know that as I'm giving you the details, and try to look for how it does apply. Now, one of the men's "feel good chemicals" is called Dopamine, dopamine lights us up, ladies you have dopamine as well just placed out a little bit differently. Dopamine helps us feel alive, helps us feel fulfilled. Things that trigger dopamine are; competition, accomplishments or achieving goals, efficiency, so getting to the point quicker in a conversation, or getting to the restaurant faster, anytime we could do a short cut or we could do something for efficient, it being trying to save as much energy as possible triggers our dopamine, that competition, productivity achieving goals, the whole list of these. While a woman's "feel-good chemical" is called Oxytocin. Oxytocin gets triggered simply by talking. Simply while you're talking triggers out oxytocin, also connection working together with someone, collaboration. So, because of that, on average, there's research that shows that women would speak 20,000 words a day, while men would speak 7,000 words a day. So let's say you both had your day, and you both gone to work, you've spoken your 7,000 words and then you come home, well as a woman you have 13,000 words to go! So you kind of share...

Natalie: Someone's coping with it.

Matt: Yeah! You want to share, you want to connect, all of these, and because of this oftentimes, because of this and because men speak such few words, we pay very close attention to the definition of the word that we use. And then arguments just come out huge. The definitions of the words, this is why often in an argument, a woman will share words like "always" and "never." "You always do this!" "You never do this!" and oftentimes in their argument, you start arguing about points in the argument where he'll try to pick a part, your words and he says; "I don't always leave the dishes in the sink, I washed my dishes once this week." You know stuff like that, and you know, for men to understand that women communicate the emotion behind the words; they're communicating the emotion of the message, rather than the actual words itself. So for men to give grace, and not lock on the words like "always" and "never", can really help during arguments and help us connect. And actually get to us... and I call that, you know look at what, where, emotionalizing. When you are arguing, try to understand what the person is emotionalizing rather than communicating. You know, what are they really feeling? What is it that they really need and want in this moment?

Natalie: Right. So, you know, like I've said, I have a lot of female friends that are single here, and these are amazing accomplished powerful women. So, I was actually was talking to a guy in the other day and he has project called; The Remarkable Man Project. And he is talking about trying to get men together, you know, and communicating and to get into that thing. And he asked me the question why I thought that men and women aren't getting together, and my answer, and I'd like to get your feedback on this, was that; women have forgotten to be women, and men have forgotten to be men.

Matt: Right on.

Natalie: So there are some traditional roles there that seem to have the lines go blurred, you know, what do you think about that?

Matt: I think you're right on. I think for a long time I actually didn't know how to be a masculine man, so inside, it comes back to the love polarity as we call it. The masculine and feminine energy attract one another. And then actually, I have a lot to do with men or women because I have both masculine and feminine energy in me, you have masculine and feminine energy in you, so do you and we got to choose which mode we wanna live from based on what it is we want to accomplish. So, but to understand that masculine energy and feminine energy attract one another so, so many of these women are coming up to me were so masculine in their way because they spend so much of their life in the masculine space. Now what is masculine space?, achieving goals, pursuing, being efficient, getting into the bottom line, competition, accomplishment, the entrepreneurial space, the corporate world, all of that is highly masculine. So if you're swimming in that energy every single day, and if you are a successful woman, you probably are, then it's very... if you haven't been given the awareness of how to switch to your feminine energy, then you're probably radiating masculine energy. It's a very strong masculine man are gonna be repelled by that.

Natalie: Some women are like, you know, once they sense a new age guy they don't really sense new age guy. They want someone whose gonna take charge, exactly, someone who's a man's man. You know, so ok, so...

Matt: I have a quick story on that, I didn't know how to be that masculine man, I have very powerful women in my life and so I sort of learn from them and so my wife, here's the key... as you step into your feminine, which I think make no mistake, feminine does not mean passive, submissive or weak, sometimes women...

Natalie: It never means giving away your energy and who you are.

Matt: And your power, absolutely it's a very powerful energy. So as you step into your feminine, you will call your man into his masculine, on the 2nd date with my wife when we were gone on a second date. I was used to dating very strong powerful women who would masculine, who would leading and I was cool with that. But after a while, the attraction would deflate, because I'm naturally a masculine guy, that's my zone of genius, I love being there. So, second date, picked up my girlfriend to go out and she, she gets in the car, put her on the car I sit and I'm like... so! Where do you wanna go? And she goes, "what do you mean? Don't you have a plan?" and I'm like "No I'll take you anywhere you wanna go." I was fully happy to serve and deliver right there, and she was like; "No just choose some place where you wanna go." And I felt my entire nervous system start to short circuit you know, and here's what you might not understand about men, we are so attached to delivering happiness to you, we are so attached to providing something for you that makes a difference in your life, that makes you happy, that our self-worth and our self-esteem is attached to your response to that. So what you need to know is, men who are hesitant about leading are hesitant about not making you happy, so I want to do something that she loves, so I was like, "you pick, and I'll deliver anything you want." And she said "No, no. you need to decide where we're going, you're the man, I'm the woman, and I'm here for life." Then she just sat back, and it's just like... and I said, "just help me out, give me a hint." Well she said, "I like Italian, I like sushi, you pick." So we went to this great sushi place and from then on it felt... I can tell you the attraction at the end of that dinner when she hugged me and she said, "thank you for dinner." Was way significantly higher than if she had picked the place and I just gave her what she wanted. Why? Because there's risk, and risk stimulates the dopamine and all sorts of thing in me being a man.

Natalie: Cause that's the other thing too and I think that the love that we expect is so completely, so closely related that you can not have love unless you respect someone and all my previous relationships before Glen, I always went out with, with you know, with really nice new age guys, but after how, I had no respect for these guys because they won't decision me, you know they didn't have the balls to you know, take a run. And of course you know, I got the bonus claim with Glen, and I met Glen, so you know.

Matt: So he is this guy,

Natalie: But you know like, women are expecting men to be able to... they have departments, there are things that you know are men's departments, like for us, you know, we have a very successful business, we both played major roles in this business, but when it comes to traditional things like the cleaning and the washing, and the cooking and the ironing, I look after that, I'm not saying I do it, but it's my responsibility to make sure it's done for him.

Matt: Interesting, yeah. So knowing what those roles are, knowing where you lead and where you receive. You know I have my sister for example, very powerful entrepreneurial woman, is so elegant in her femininity, in her relationship, and you know, knowing so... here's something that you can do right away that will automatically increase your feminine energy, and it's joyful receptivity. Create a space for your man to lead, for him to make decisions, for him to provide something to you, and then appreciate him for that. One of the dangerous mistakes in the cording phase, you when you're just building the attraction, you're getting to know one another, one of the mistakes women make oftentimes is they receive something from their man and they'll appreciate them and then they'll turn around and give him something even bigger! They'll go, here and oh that's nice! Great, here's the thing, we appreciate it, we like it, but oftentimes, men will take that as competition not contribution, because we now think, ok I need to do something bigger than this now, rather than just be so appreciative, and thank you so much and what I call; hero-sad to me. Make us feel like a hero in your life, we love that.

Natalie: Absolutely. Ok I'm gonna ask you one more question and for all of my girlfriends out there, listen to this very closely, Matt, what is the number one thing that women can do right now that are looking for men, what's one thing that they could help to do to attract the partner that they are looking for?

Matt: It's called, being present. I'm now factorizing, and this is gonna be one of the hardest things especially if you are in the age where the clock is ticking, you know you have a short amount of time before you can have babies or you know, you got to get married now behind schedule, all of that challenges that you are radiating that energy all the time. And if you don't say it, men can feel it and men have a different timing, you know obviously different timing that a woman do. So you control the sexual phase of the relationship, here's where you power is, you control the sexual phase, meaning you get to tell him NO, and tell where the certain level of commitment in the relationship, he gets to control the emotional phase of the relationship. What I mean by that is your emotional canter in your brain is 8 times the size of his, so that means you can get down the emotional track of the relationship, much further than he can, there is this book called The Female Brain and The Male Brain, and she said like a woman has 8-length super highway of emotion, contrary, a man has a 2 truck-wagon wheel trail, you know he is trying to catch up, he is trying to catch up down this relationship and so you get further down the relationship, you know how you feel about it. Sometimes, not all the times, but sometimes, you know when you take it personally and he doesn't know what he was. So women will put pressure on the man before he understands what it is he was. He needs time to catch up, so you control the sexual phase, cause men has 20 times more testosterone which is our sex drive, so you control the sexual phase, he controls the emotional phase, don't futures, meaning you are on your first date and all of the sudden you're seeing kids, and the family and all that. Stay in the present moment and your job is discovery. Is this man, the man that I wanna be with for the rest of my life? And if he is, then stays present and is with him, it doesn't mean you can't ask him what his visions are, but to be able to ask him what he wants in an unattached way versus the attached way is the main difference from what scares men off.

Natalie: Right, awesome. Thank you for sharing this information with us, today Matt.

Matt: You're welcome.

Natalie: Please I encourage you share this video with all of your single girlfriends make sure you do that by clicking the Facebook and twitter share buttons above, oh actually where do we send people to find out more about Cracking the Code?

Matt: Yes! I've got 3 great videos that you'll gonna love, one of these videos teaches you the one word that can help your man fall in-love with you, and all you have to do is and you'll get access to those free videos as a gift from me to you.

Natalie: Awesome. Thank you. Facebook, twitter share buttons above, and make sure you put your email on the box above their cause we'll send you 6 pre-made Mind Movies and we'll keep you up to date with all the upcoming shows. So until next time, remember to live large, choose courageously, and love without limits. We'll see you soon.

Mat Boggs



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