On this week’s blog, we share a special submission from Life Coach, meditation teacher, and speaker, Natalie Speakman. Enjoy :-)
After a recent breakup, I decided to install the dating app Tinder on my phone. I’d used it before with somewhat dismal results, but I thought this time might be different. For a few years, I’d been committed to living a heart-centered life, learning to love myself and seeing the divine in all beings. I had also been applying the Law of Attraction, so I was curious to see what would happen when I approached Tinder from a different perspective.
At first, I carefully pored over each person, looking at every detail of their profile. I swiped deliberately, mostly left, rejecting them as potential dates. The few that I swiped right on, indicating that I was interested, weren’t reciprocating. This triggered my ego, and it started playing the old not-good-enough tape reel:
“Your profile is boring. You need different photos. You’re too old.”
As the insecurity grew, so did my desperation and disconnection. I found myself lowering my expectations and swiping right on more profiles, while simultaneously picking everyone apart in frustration.
“Blurry photos, no. Nothing written on their profile, no. Duck-face selfies, no.”
I lost myself in the obsession of swiping, of trying to find someone I found genuinely attractive that would match with me too. I swiped faster and faster, for longer periods of time. I’d lose track of how long I’d been on the app; swiping when I needed to be doing other things.
So I deleted the app. But days later, I got curious as to who may have matched with me while I was away. I reinstalled it, and the self-loathing multiplied. I knew I needed to either completely stop or completely change my relationship with Tinder. I couldn’t go on as I was, swiping and feeling miserable. I talked to friends about it, and everyone had the same energy when I brought it up.
“Ugh. Tinder,” they’d say with an eye-roll.
But when I’d ask if they were using it, they’d say yes. The disconnection and powerlessness of the Tinder experience seemed to be more universal than I thought. Others had gone through the Tinder spiral like me, deleting and reinstalling the app numerous times. Some had gotten real hits off it: dates that weren’t disasters; matches that turned into real friends; genuine connections that turned into relationships. But this was the minority.
The collective consciousness around Tinder is part of what makes it such a magnet for negative energy and experiences. Ask 100 people what they think of Tinder and they will mostly say it is an energy vampire and a fruitless experience, and that the quality of people to choose from is subpar. Then ask the same people if they are using Tinder, and they will say yes. This mismatched energy creates hit-or-miss experiences. In order to have more consistent results, we can shift into the alignment of what we really want.
So how can we use the Law of Attraction and spirituality to have a positive Tinder experience? Here are four ways:
1. Set an intention:
Get clear on why you’re on Tinder in the first place. Is it to meet a friend, a one-night date, a partner? Or maybe just to chat with someone and see where it leads? There’s nothing wrong with any of these possibilities, as long as you don’t judge yourself for them. Set an intention what you want to create from being on Tinder and as you swipe, practice being in the energy of having already created that perfect connection. The universe will respond to your energy. If you are putting out desperate nonfulfillment, you will create more of it. If you swipe while feeling whole and complete just as you are, you will attract what you desire.
2. Set boundaries:
How much time a day is it healthy for you to be on Tinder? Find a time that feels good and stick with it. When you feel the urge to open the app, make sure you are not using it as an escape. Take a mindful pause and check in with your energy. If you aren’t feeling peaceful and light, make sure to shift your energy before swiping. Then set a timer as you open the app and commit to yourself that you will close Tinder when the timer goes off. If you find that you’re becoming disconnected to yourself, the moment, and the people in the app- take a Tinder break until you feel centered again.
3. Stay present:
As you swipe, focus on breathing into your heart center. Feel the energy in your body. Stay oriented to where you are and who you are. Make it a meditation by staying present, connected, and mindful. Remember to feel compassion for yourself and for the multitude of beautiful humans you see on Tinder.
4. Bless each being:
Stay connected to the idea that each profile is a three-dimensional person with thoughts and feelings, as well as a divine soul. As you swipe through each profile- either left or right- bless them. You can even say empowering things like, “Bless this being.” Or, “May this person be happy and healthy.”
After implementing these tools, I noticed a shift in how I related to the whole Tinder experience. I let people off the hook for being human, I noticed their divinity, and found more and more people matched with me. I even met one of them recently IRL (in real life.) He was a kind and open person who practiced yoga and meditation, and he lives the Law of Attraction too. I was again reminded of the power and the reality of this Law when we discovered our common interests. I don’t know what the future holds for us, but I had quick, real results from approaching Tinder in this way.
Now it’s your turn. Pick one or all of these tools and practice yourself. Give it a week, or a month, and see what happens. Share your experiences in the comments - I’d love to hear your success stories!
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Natalie Speakman is a meditation teacher, dating coach, speaker, and writer. She is passionate about making mindfulness accessible to everyone and teaching others how to use meditation to change their lives. You can find Natalie on Tinder in Bali, Indonesia. Learn more at nataliemspeakman.com.