Today on the blog, we feature award winning Life and Relationship Coach Monica Cobis. Enjoy :-)
Love and money are like oil and water. They do not naturally mix well.
Why is that? Scientifically, the substances are in a state of polarity. That means, they are polar opposites. In relationships, it can mean that one partner has a totally different concept about money than the other. Have you ever experienced this with a partner?
And did you know that money issues top the list of stressors in relationships and produce conflict, dissatisfaction, and even divorce? A Kansas State University study revealed that in a pool of over 4,500 couples, over 70% report being stressed over a money situation. Surprising, right?
With 84% of young couples fighting about money, you would think that this would be a major issue in pre-marital counseling. The truth is, only 50% of people talk about money before marriage and 12% STILL never have a discussion about it. Maybe, “Honey, what’s your credit score?” could be one of the questions that you need to answer before getting a marriage license. Better yet, talking to a relationship coach, pre-marital counselor and a financial advisor before the I do’s could be the right step before stepping down the aisle.
There are five dimensions to the concept of money. They are called the five S’s…Surviving, Struggling, Stable, Secure, and Surplus. So how do you get from one side of the spectrum to the other, more favorable side?
First, sculpt your conception of your first memory about money. Familiar ones are “Money does not grown on trees” or “We don’t have money for that” or “We have enough”. What’s yours? Whatever it is, it was most probably handed down from your parents. Yet, you are powerful enough to change it if it is negative. Innovate, don’t imitate.
Change your beliefs, change your life.
Secondly, follow some tried and true concepts in money management. First, live below your means. Open up a short term savings account. Meditate on having enough and seeing yourself in abundance. Pay off your credit card monthly. Stick to a budget and plan how you will pay off the mortgage or another large item before the deadline. Decide who will pay what, when and how. Remember that in a relationship, the money is ours – not mine.
I’m sure you’ve heard these tips before. And once you utilize them as a couple, a sense of contentment and accomplishment will change each individual’s internal focus of control. Instead of thinking that others dictate your actions, you become empowered as a unit to control your destiny. And this, my friend, will allow you to dream and receive more, not just monetarily, but in all ways.
Money = Security.
When one feels secure in himself/herself, the mind actually shifts from the ‘not possible’ to ‘the possible’. Neuroscientists have studied MRI images of people playing money games and those who are addicted to drugs. The same reward circuitry lights up when activated by money or drugs. Thus, pleasure can come from getting a handle on the wallet.
So what does this mean in regard to relationships? Look, everyone craves connection, love, understanding and acceptance. The Beatles song, “All You Need Is Love” does not apply to real life when you go to pay rent and find out that you do not have enough in the account. Thus, for a couple to obtain and maintain a happy relationship, communication about this issue is necessary.
Here are some steps that a couple can follow to find bliss monetarily:
Following these and the other tips in this article, you as a couple will not only envision but will acquire the life you always dreamed of. Do not allow polarity to separate the beautiful union that you create with your partner. You deserve a life full of love and an abundance of money!
Monica Cobis, M.Ed. is an awarded instructor with over twenty years of teaching all levels of education. She is a certified Academic Life Coach and a Relationship Coach. You can learn more about Monica by clicking here.